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Body Neutrality

Coach Beth

It happens to me too.

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As I wrote these words a few short weeks ago, I was preparing to be photographed for updated headshots.

A mess of feelings have come up over the last several weeks. Feelings of inadequacy, fear, need to control. My face, my body – it doesn’t look the same in the year 2023 as it did in the year 2018, the last time I had professional photographs. 

5 years have come with a lot, and my body has lived it. A pandemic (aka anxiety, isolation, uncertainty), political strife, racial justice, physical injuries, family evolution – illnesses, growth and lots of change; MENOPAUSE (sorry, did I scream that?) I have said a few times over the past few years that it has felt as though my body has been revolting against me.

All of the same insecurities surface for me – even though professionally, I live in this world of body neutrality and intuitive eating. I literally coach other people on this very issue. I am not immune.

So how have I fought off those voices? 

The Judge that says that I am not enough, the Controller that says that maybe I should just do a couple more spin classes this week, the Stickler who tells me that I need to be a perfect version of myself in this specific situation, the Victim who says that if all of these aforementioned “issues” wouldn’t have happened I would be in such a better place. 

I practice every day, multiple times per day – catching those negative thoughts, intercepting them. I get out of my head and into my body. And then I choose differently. I choose empathy for myself and others. I choose to look at all of the gifts that I have been given through each of these changes. I CHOOSE to present the most authentic version of myself. No apologies, no shame, with pride and excitement for what I bring to the world. 

This authentic version? She still colors her hair and wears makeup (most of the time). She also stays in her PJ’s till 5 some days and doesn’t worry about it. She has moved into a space that listens to and respects her “right now” body. She eats bagels and sandwiches and whatever else and moves in a way that feels best for her body. She bought new clothes that fit her “right now” body. She goes to therapy, does things that scare her every week, and connects with her family and friends. She is so much more than a body or a face. She is empowered to be a force – live life to the fullest and be THAT example. 

Coach Beth Iowa City It's Time to Flip the Script

It’s Time to Flip the Script

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It’s time to flip the script, friends. Negative self-talk, body shaming and food shaming is bad for you and everyone else around you. 

Are you talkin’ to me?

This is a message to parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and family. If you can’t do this work for yourself please consider doing it for someone else. There is likely a child, teen or another person in your life who is suffering from body shame right now. Consider your daily inner body and food critic. Now think about that same critic while using those same words towards your children and grandchildren, friends and colleagues. Ouch. 

It is not enough for you to tell those around you one thing (love and respect your body) while you say and do the opposite with your own. They notice how you call yourself fat or ugly and then internalize that these two things are synonymous. They watch as you restrict food or shame yourself when you “overeat.” They pay attention when you obsess over every calorie consumed and every pound lost or gained. 

In the last week alone I have had conversations with 5 separate people on 5 occasions – hearing about their children/teens suffering with body shame and disordered eating. It is devastating. The good news is that we have an opportunity to support and teach them in leading by example. 

Where do we start?

It can feel really overwhelming. Where do you even begin? I’ve got a few recommendations. Before proceeding, I want you to promise yourself to practice curiosity and compassion (no judgment, shame or guilt)

Start with self awareness. Notice every single time that you are critical of your body or make comments (in your head or out loud) about your food choices. Then start to make a change for yourself. For every critical/negative thought or comment make three positive or respectful comments about your body and/or food choices.

Notice your relationship with food. Bring in your curious anthropologist to observe your behavior. Are you mindful when eating (for the most part)? Are you eating while doing 10 other things? Are you really enjoying your food? Are you trying to ignore the hunger cues and pushing through your busy work day in an effort to curb calories?

Notice with curiosity, not judgment. Real life example: Right before sitting down to write this I was literally sitting at my computer, searching for online files, doing a virtual chat with an online credit card assistant while listening with earbuds to a zoom webinar and eating kettle corn. DON’T JUDGE. There’s a lot for my anthropologist to make note of!

You’ve got this!

This is where we begin. We start small and we start with ourselves. Email me to tell me about what you’ve noticed this week. I want to hear about your wins and your challenges. Next week we’ll explore next steps that you can use. You have an opportunity to be the change for yourself and for others around you. I’m gonna help you get there!

XOXO,

Coach Beth

Anticipating Unwanted Comments

Anticipating and Responding to Unwanted Comments

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Most of us are happy to be able to gather with family and friends this year, and also there is an anticipation and anxiety around unwanted, unrequested and inappropriate comments. Comments about your looks, your body, your food choices.

While we can’t control what others say to us, we do have control over how we choose to respond. There is no right or wrong way – it’s really based on what feels right for you.

First let’s talk about your response to the person who is making  the unwanted comment.

  • You may choose to ignore the comment and meet them with a blank stare (this can be a great tool for making them realize their mistake without you having to say a word).
  • You may choose to walk away without addressing the comment.
  • You may be more direct in acknowledging their comment and setting boundaries.
  • If the person continues, especially if they defend their comment as being “concerned about your health” you have the right to reinforce your boundaries or walk away.
  • You are the ONLY person who knows your hunger, fullness and satisfaction levels. You can choose to eat if you are hungry, and you can choose to eat if you’re full. Either way, it is your choice.

Next let’s talk about your own emotional response to their comments.

  • If you can, take a minute to write down or think about some of the hurtful comments that have been made to you. Take some time to acknowledge the pain, anxiety or any other feeling that came up as a result of the comments.
  • What was your response in the past? Did you tend to rebel and eat more out of anger and resentment? Did you set a boundary that worked for you? Was it all that you could do to just leave the situation?
  • Take a minute to think about how you would like to respond if/when this happens again. How do you want to feel?

I know that this is hard to think about and even harder to do. It may be worth writing out a letter – especially if there is one person who constantly makes inappropriate and unwanted comments. As you consider how you want to handle this, I have no doubt that you will come up with your own best way to set boundaries for yourself and in turn teach others how to do so for themselves. You don’t have to be bullied. You can trust yourself to make your own best choices around your food and your body. You’ve got this.

With Gratitude,
Coach Beth

Weight Neutral Health Care

Weight Neutral Healthcare

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You have the right to healthcare without being shamed regardless of your body shape, size or weight.

Have you ever had the experience of going to your doctor with a health concern and then instead of addressing the health concern that you’re there to address, the health care professional confronts you about your weight? If this has happened to you, you are not alone. You may have believed that this was acceptable, that you were to blame, that you needed the prodding to lose weight. Wrongola. Not true. It’s what you have been led to believe via diet culture and the weight bias that is built into our health care. ASDAH (Association for Size Diversity and Health) explains this well, “health exists on a continuum that varies with time and circumstance for each individual. Health should be conceived as a resource or capacity available to all regardless of health condition or ability level, and not as an outcome or objective of living.” I invite you to read more about this on their website. https://asdah.org/health-at-every-size-haes-approach/ Additionally, if you’d like to learn more about weight neutral approach to various chronic diseases, check out these HAES Health Sheets https://haeshealthsheets.com/the-health-sheet-library/

How many of you have neglected going to the doctor because you didn’t want to be shamed about your weight? I’m sorry to say that I have heard this many times from my clients. It doesn’t have to be this way. You have the right to receive care wherever you are on the health continuum and regardless of your weight. You have the right to ask to not be weighed and to have health care goals that are not based around weight or weight loss. Take a look at these printable resources to take to your next appointment https://haeshealthsheets.com/resources/

Research supports health goals that are not weight based to improve your health. This can be things like improving sleep, spending time in nature, taking steps to decrease your stress. This type of care is based on the principle of Health at Every Size (or HAES) https://asdah.org/health-at-every-size-haes-approach/ 

To everyone out there who has lived this, I am so sorry that you’ve had to experience this. Your worth is not dependent on your weight. I will continue to advocate for you – to connect you with HAES aligned providers and to push back, educate and work to reform the healthcare system to a weight neutral system.

If you have questions or want to talk more about this, please reach out! Send me an email, contact me via my website. You are worth it. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to work with so many awesome clients. Hoping that this brings you support and/or something to think about in a way that might be new for you. Here are some additional resources:

Books:

‘Anti-Diet’ by Christy Harrison

‘The Obesity Paradox’ by Carl Lavie and Kristin Loberg

‘Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia’ by Sabrina Strings

‘Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight’ by Lindo Bacon 

Podcasts:

The Eatfluencer Podcast

The Midlife Feast

What the Actual Fork

Food Psych 

Maintenance Phase

 

XOXO,

Coach Beth

Gold apple isolated on white background.

It’s All Part of It

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It’s all part of it.

That’s a phrase that a coworker and I from my Hospice days used to use on the regular. What does it mean? It’s all connected. Death, taxes, sex, money, relationships, politics, all of it.

So this month I’ve been thinking a lot about how once you get good at practicing interoceptive awareness you start to notice a clarity and even a shift in your attitude and awareness in other areas of your life. And that means opportunity and growth. 

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Interoceptive awareness is quite simply the ability to perceive the physical sensations that arise from within your body. Sounds simple. Takes practice to do. Especially if you’ve spent years ignoring or suppressing those signals. The good news? With practice those signals come back! You’ll get better and better at listening to them over time.

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Let’s talk about sex, ba-by (if you’re of a certain generation you’ll sing the rest of this with me). If you don’t know what I’m talking about google “Salt-N-Pepa”. You’re welcome. Ok back to the sex talk. Dan Harris and the Ten Percent Happier Podcast had a great episode out recently entitled, “Mind-Blowing Sex with Dr. Lori Brotto” in which they reference the importance of mindfulness and interoceptive awareness. It turns out that learning how to get in tune with your body and its sensations can improve more than just your relationship with food. (I can feel my referrals pouring in as I write this). It’s TRUE. And also, it doesn’t hurt to work with a sex therapist if you’re feeling stuck. Think about it for a moment. If you’re stuck in body shame, worried about how you look or how your partner thinks you look, you are not fully in the moment. Now consider how things might be different if you could let go of that worry and body shame. Enough said. 

And then there’s money. Ooooohhhhh, our relationship to money can be a LOT like our relationship to food. As Jen Sicero says in ‘You are a Badass at Making Money,’ “we love money, hate money, obsess over money, ignore money, resent money, hoard money, crave money, bad-mouth money.” See? Insert the words “food” or “sex” in place of “money.” When we start to get really clear on what we want to do with our money and what our money can do for us, things start to shift. 

What happens when you start to notice the ways that we talk about money, food and sex? 

It’s all part of it. Here are a few book and podcast recommendations around sex and money which I have found helpful and informative. I’m sure that I don’t have to say that this is clearly not an exhaustive list – but might get you started. Also – to my editor sister (and anyone else) I apologize for probably not following the correct citation format. I’m going for ease of reading. 

On topics around sex and relationships:

Books: Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski; Mating in Captivity, by Esther Perel

Podcasts: Where Should We Begin, by Esther Perel

Other resources: OMG Yes – a website dedicated to replacing taboo about sex with healthy, honest truths.

On topics around money:

Books: Women and Money, by Suze Orman; I Will Teach You to Be Rich, by Ramit Sethi; You are a Badass at Making Money, by Jen Sincero; The Soul of Money, by Lynne Twist (I haven’t read her book but I’ve heard her speak and she’s phenomenal), We Should All Be Millionaires, by Rachel Rodgers

Podcasts: I Will Teach you to be Rich Podcast with Ramit Sethi; Hello Seven with Rachel Rodgers; Women and Money with Suze Orman

I hope you’ve enjoyed this info and found it thought provoking and helpful. Please take a minute to sign up for my not-super-regular, semi-random email. You’ll find out about exciting new developments such as group coaching and other cool things that could change your life.

XOXO,

Coach Beth

Body-Respect-Blog_Coach-Beth-Iowa-City

Body Respect

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I was talking with friends recently about planning for vacation. Someone asked if I was worried about not being in the best shape to be able to take photos (or only take them from the chest up). I’m certain that this wasn’t said with hurtful intent – it’s just what we hear as the “diet culture” undertones in our day to day conversation. Still, it caught me off guard. I have been working so hard on my own body acceptance over the past several years. My first thought in response to that question was no – I’m not worried about how my body will look in photos or in swimsuits. I am thinking about the memories that my family will make while taking the first family vacation that we will have had in years. I’m thinking that this will be our last family vacation before my son goes off to college.  I am not at all worried about what I’ll eat, if I’ll gain weight on vacation, or if I’ll feel comfortable in my suit. 

I have been working at practicing what I preach. (Or at least what I coach). If you don’t know me personally you may not know that I have had one injury after another over the past few years. My habits changed significantly. Pre-pandemic I was a person who was super active. But when the pandemic hit I started having injuries. I could no longer exercise – or it would be intermittent and infrequent. Often the most I could do was my PT exercises and stretching. Needless to say – my body changed! I gained some weight and my body just overall changed shape.

Additionally, I am in the throes of midlife hormonal changes – which means hot flashes, night sweats and not a lot of sleep. Add that to a pandemic, some significant life challenges (illnesses, traumatic injury and deaths of family members and close friends), parenting two teens, and the general angst surrounding the social injustices and the state of the world – and you have a body that is under a lot of stress! 

Luckily – this is my jam. This is what I talk to people about each day. Body respect. Though it has not always been easy, I followed my own advice. I haven’t weighed myself since I don’t know when. I put away clothes that didn’t fit me and bought a few clothing items that I really liked that fit and compliment my “right now” body. I stopped “body checking” – looking at myself in the mirror and wishing for something else or negatively commenting on what I saw. I made the decision to continue to trust my body – to eat when hungry, eat the food that was satisfying for me and to stop when full (most of the time). I decided that if I was going to look in the mirror I would only allow kind and respectful self-comments. 

I finally (knock on wood) have been able to consistently get back to doing some of the exercise that I was doing pre-injury and it feels so good. Plus I am just generally a nicer person and I sleep better when moving my body regularly. I have a newfound appreciation for my body and its ability to adapt and change. I have respect for the body that carried me through the challenging past couple of years. 

Let me ask you a question. Do you expect your life to be the same next year? How about in three months? Is your life the same as it was 10 years ago? No? Then why would you expect that your body would look the same over time, not age, not change size or shape over time?

So many of us have this fight with our body – expecting it to stay the same (or pushing for it to not change) as we go through transitions in our lives. It doesn’t have to be that way.

If you are struggling with accepting your “right now” body, here are some things that you can do to stop the shame and judgment and replace it with respect and kindness.

  1. Stop body checking. Pay attention to how often you look at your reflection in the mirror or a window and make negative comments about yourself.
  2. Put away or donate clothes that don’t fit your “right now” body. If they aren’t comfortable and you don’t feel confident in them – put them away somewhere that you aren’t looking at them every day. 
  3. If you have the financial means – buy a few items of clothing that feel comfortable and make you feel confident. One of the best tips from Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, author’s of Intuitive Eating, is to try on clothes facing away from the mirror. Move around in them, sit down, decide if you like how they feel. If they feel comfortable, then turn around and take a look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you like how they look. 
  4. Put away your scale. (I know, I heard you gasp). It is not helping you! It’s causing further disconnect from your own body cues – AND you don’t need it. You won’t all of the sudden gain a ton of weight if you don’t watch the numbers every day.
  5. Do you hear that self-critical voice in your head? Start paying attention to how loud that voice is. Just notice how often you are critical and judgmental of yourself. Once you get good at noticing that voice, start to challenge it – even saying “STOP” out loud if you have to. If you can’t yet replace it with kind or positive things – at least transition to body-neutral comments. 
  6. Check your diet-culture influences. Un-follow them on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, podcasts or wherever else you linger. Then start finding body-positive influencers.

If you are struggling with respecting your body – contact me! Send me a message through my website, message me on Facebook or Instagram. I want to help you get to a place of peace and respect for your body. 

XOXO,

Coach Beth